Bucco Bruce Bound

To look at the scores of last week's division finals a casual observer might think that the two highest scoring teams were meeting in the Championship game. But the casual observer might be wrong. In fact Toledo and Springfield each had to beat the highest scoring team in their respective divisions to advance to this weeks contest.

"The Neanderthal have always taken pride in their defensive prowess and this year is no exception," proclaimed general manager, Tonda. "We have great confidence that the Vikings can control the Atoms potency. I know for a fact the our owner has had a fascination for Vikings ever since he took an aptitude test during his junior year at Roy C. Start High School when the results of the test recommended a career as either a shepherd or a viking."

When asked to comment the judge recalled that schoolmates Bob Beers and Ron Tuohy made plans to construct long ships, sail east from Toledo, set strategically placed charges around the city of Cleveland, and then tow it out into the middle of Lake Erie and sink it. "But like so many other plans of our youth this dream never came true."

Other dreams have come true however and those include a first ever trip to the Championship Game for the BFL. An original franchise that has always found itself in the middle of the pack, this year rose above the rest and secured the best regular season record. All well and good, but the loyal citizens of the Glass capital of the world deserve the ultimate award in professional sports.

That is why we brought in Coach Marty, to dispel the notion that he can do well in the regular season but flops in the playoffs. "The team has the ultimate respect for the man and what he can do. Now we must perform. And I love to get a chance to play, and sing it." said long time Caveman, Frank Gore.

In an unusual move team owner, Gene Bell, has indicated that, believing that defense will be key to this week's game, the Neanderthal will concede the coin flip to the Atoms, choosing to go on defense to start the game. "And if they refuse, we will just have to start early with the Rivers to Jackson combination that has been so successful this year.

Coach Marty has decided to go with most of the same lineup that has brought the team this deep into the season. "This lineup is just about the happiest sound goin' down today."

QB RIVERS
RB GORE AND JONES-DREW
REC V. JACKSON. A. JOHNSON, & JENNINGS
TE F. DAVIS
K CROSBY
DEF VIKINGS

Playoff Results: Week Two

89 Sin City Grifters Pts Drew Brees 22 DeAngelo Williams 2 Ray Rice 14 Chad Ochocinco 15 Larry Fitzgerald 12 Sidney Rice 5 Antonio Gates 12 Nate Kaeding 11 Saints 6

141 Toledo Neanderthal Pts Phillip Rivers 38 Frank Gore 14 Maurice Jones-Drew 24 Greg Jennings 20 Andre Johnson 22 Vincent Jackson 25 Kevin Boss 0 Mason Crosby 4 Vikings 4

124 Springfield Atoms Pts Aaron Rodgers 53 Ryan Grant 9 Rashard Mendenhall 19 Pierre Garcon 3 Miles Austin 23 Brandon Marshall 17 Tony Gonzalez 11 Ryan Longwell 1 Colts 13

81 West Virginia Woolfs Pts Matt Schaub 31 Chris Johnson 12 Thomas Jones 5 Marques Colston 10 Calvin Johnson 5 DeSean Jackson 21 Vernon Davis 5 Matt Stover 5 Packers 12

Springfield Atoms WIlliams Division Chamionship - Full Lineup

Nucleus of Atoms is Ned Flanders Rodgers, Austin, Marshall build case for being ions Charleston, WV -- In Week 1 of the BFL Playoffs, the Springfield Atoms continued their winning ways under new Head Coach Ned Flanders by easily dispatching of the Moose River Mounties. Despite the sub-par performance turned in by Aaron Rodgers, Wide Receiver Brandon Marshall had a BFL record setting game, due in large part to plays drawn up by Flanders that involved Marshall being thrown to by every member of the offensive line. The road to the Bucco Bruce Bowl, however, goes through Charleston, West Virginia, where the Atoms will face a team they beat by only 1 point the last time the Ned Flanders-led squad faced them. "The Woolfs have a great team this year," said General Manager Rob Hart, "Chris Johnson, Vernon Davis, and DeSean Jackson, will give our defense a lot to worry about out there on Sunday. But, I think we're up to the task as long as we continue to take this journey one game at a time." Coach Flanders agreed. "Our focus is on winning this diddily game, not who we'd play in the doodly Bucco Bruce Bowl." Rumors that Flanders has some tricks up his sleeve for this game are flying around the Atoms locker room. "I saw Reverend Lovejoy blessing the Gatorade!" exclaimed an excited Ryan Grant, "Now not only will we be replacing electrolytes, but we'll be cleansing our souls too!" Only time will tell if the Springfield Atoms will be taking their second ever trip to the Bucco Bruce Bowl, but if anyone get get this team to believe it's Ned Flanders. Starting Lineup: QB-Aaron Rodgers RB-Ryan Grant RB-Rashard Mendenhall WR-Pierre Garcon (already played) WR-Brandon Marshall WR-Miles Austin (already played) TE-Tony Gonzalez K-Ryan Longwell D-Colts (already played)

Gifts for the Cavemen

Just as the Magi came bearing gifts thousands of years ago, the Neanderthal have received several gifts recently from the other teams in the McKay Division as tribute for winning the division this year for the first time in franchise history.

Robert Baker of the Bears sent a recording of the caliope playing "Favorites of the Big Top". Chris Holly of the Fifes sent a replica of the gavel used by the Mayberry Justice of the Peace. Brian Birch of the Woodchucks sent a bell which formerly rang in the Agora of Athens.

"We are waiting to see what gift the Grifters bring when they arrive for this weekends showdown" mused team owner, Gene Bell, anticipating whether his son and owner of the Sin City franchise would follow suit or whether he would try to leave town not only with the championship but with the gifts as well.

This year our team has honored the memory of Mary Travers and this week is no different. We thank the other teams in our division for the hammer of justice, the bell of freedom and the song about the love between our brother and sisters all over this land.

NO CHANGES TO THE LINEUP PREVIOUSLY POSTED

Grifters' Dedicate Inevitable Win To Henry Possible Benchwarmer's Death Raises Questions of Rosters Past LAS VEGAS--Upon hearing the news of Mayberry receiver Chris Henry's untimely death at the hands of the back of a pick up truck, the Sin City Grifters dedicated their upcoming game against Toledo to the player, who is believed to have been a Grifter in the past. "I remember him in the locker room a year or two ago," said running backs coach Deuce McAllister, who would have been one of Henry's teammates if he was actually on the team. "I'm not sure if he was on the roster or if he was just hanging out talking to some friends before the game." "Regardless of whether he was on the team or not, we need to take a moment and reflect on just how important this man was and join the country--maybe the entire world--in a moment of contemplative thanks for all he's done for the animated film industry," said owner Jake Bell. Reporters then corrected Bell by noting that the dead guy in question was Chris Henry and not Walt Disney. Bell was further informed that it was actually Roy Disney who died recently, not Walt. Drew Brees DeAngelo Williams Ray Rice Chad Ochocinco Larry Fitzgerald Sidney Rice Antonio Gates Nate Kaeding Saints

Springfield Atoms Williams Division Championship - Early Starters

Taking the field early for the Atoms will be:

WR: Pierre Garcon
WR: Miles Austin
D: Colts

Lieberman Off to Next Sabotage

(CHARLESTON, WV--- AP) Fresh off throwing a wedge into the health care debate, Woolfs interim coach Joe Lieberman has flown to Denmark to try to encourage a stalemate on the climate talks. He sounded confident that his efforts would help create a situation where nothing could get done. "I've built my entire political- and so far, coaching- career on doing absolutely nothing and standing for absolutely nothing," extolled Lieberman. "I see no reason why this week should be any different. Plus, I can see if I can do something about that Grifters parade. Oh yeah, I scribbled down a lineup on one of these pamphlets I'm reading from the Green, Libertarian, and Constitution Parties. Boy, there are a LOT of great ideas in here."

QB- Matt Schaub
RB- Chris Johnson
RB- Thomas Jones
WR- Marques Colston
WR- Calvin Johnson
WR- DeSean Jackson
TE- Vernon Davis
PK- Matt Stover
DF- Packers

Grifters' Parade Causes Global Warming Climatologists Condemn Early Celebration COPENHAGEN, DENMARK--Rare consensus was found at the World Climate Summit today when the body unanimously condemned the Sin City Grifters' Bucco Bruce Bowl victory parade. The parade has drawn the ire of many Las Vegas visitors and residents as well because it has shut down most of the city's streets for three months. "In the ten weeks since the parade started in anticipation of the Grifters winning this year's Bucco Bruce Bowl, it's carbon footprint has been larger than all the coal power plants in China combined," stated Nobel Peace Prize recipient Al Gore. "On the other hand, they're the only team to totally crush Peyton Manning three times this season. I bet he's home crying himself to sleep, wondering how that could happen." Other climate scientists rushed to correct Gore, noting that losing in the playoffs is nothing new to Manning. The news of the environmental impact of the parade, which employs roughly 200 Hummers and Chevy Avalanches, each covered in lights and stereo equipment that require a separate coal-powered generator, comes on the heels of news that the Federal Highway Commission is blocking off a path from Las Vegas to Toledo this week and Tampa the next. Secretary of Transportation Ray LaHood said he'd originally only approved the Vegas to Toledo route, "But since they're playing Toledo, it's seems pretty clear Sin City has a clear path to the Bucco Bruce Bowl. I mean you have the combination of the Neanderthal and Marty Schotenheimer. The only thing that could make it more clear would be if Dan Marino was their quarterback's coach and Patrick Ewing was their center."

Just in case

I get snowed in or forget....Jones Drew will start

Probable Starting Lineup

QB Rivers
RB Gore and Jones-Drew
REC Jennings, Johnson and Jackson
TE Boss
K Crosby
DEF Vikings