Bucco Bruce Bowl XII

115 Bakersfield Circus Bears Pts Peyton Manning 47 Dominic Rhodes 18 Brandon Jacobs 27 Andre Johnson 3 Muhsin Muhammad 9 Donald Driver 0 Dallas Clark 21 Adam Vinatieri 8 Ravens 10

75 West Coast Mennonites Pts Tony Romo 21 LaDainian Tomlinson 12 Adrian Peterson 7 Larry Fitzgerald 3 Steve Smith 6 Laveranues Coles 9 Owen Daniels 14 Kris Brown 13 Eagles 18

Victory Lap

Donald Driver had been held in reserve should the Bakersfield Performing Circus Bears have needed a fresh pair of legs late in the game. Instead, with the championship already decided, Driver will be happy to use one of those air cannons to distribute cups of Victory Pudding to all of the fans in attendance.

This special flavor had been created back in 2003, but was never tasted until this very evening. Steve Young was the first to pull off a lid and dip in a golden spoon (encrusted with pink diamonds that say 2008), and swooned with the first mouthful.

Nothing tastes better, and it was so worth the wait!

Avoiding Potential Embarrassment

Jeez, how embarrassing would it be to get down to Monday Night Football, we've got one player to go and it turns out he's got the sniffles or something so doesn't play and I don't have a substitute lined up? Even worse, what if we're down by a point at that time? Guh!

That's why we in the Bakersfield Performing Circus Bears front office have decided to release the full line-up here and now, with some minor alterations to what has previously been submitted.

QB- PEYTON MANNING
RB- Dominic Rhodes
RB- Brandon Jacobs (DNP Steven Jackson [DNP Marshawn Lynch])
WR- Andre Johnson (DNP Dante Stallworth)
WR- Muhsin Muhammad (DNP Isaac Bruce)
WR- Donald Driver (DNP Ike Hilliard)
TE- Dallas Clark
K- Adam Vinatieri
D- Baltimore

The Main Event

For now the Bakersfield Performing Circus Bears have felt like this championship game was a cakewalk. After all, the Mennonites hadn't set foot on the field and the Circus Bears already had a 94 point lead! Then last night Tony Romo woke up, and the Circus Bears realized they might have a fight on their hands after all.

That 94 point lead was a mirage. Four of our players had completed their reps, and not a single Mennonite had shown up.

Last night the Baltimore defense could have given us a killing blow, but instead gave the Mennonites a ray of hope. Romo scored 21 after a dismal first half, and that caused the Baltimore defensive numbers to plummet.

Well, now it's eight Mennonites against four Circus Bears, and the point disparity is down to 83.

We are sweating bullets. Our first championship is within sight, but it's going to take a huge effort by our remaining players to make it happen. Can the Circus Bears call upon their pudding reserves and stand up to the juggernaut of the Mennonites' running game? Lest we forget, their passing attack is no slouch either.

This championship a battle between the two highest scoring teams in the BFL this year, so the Circus Bears can't assume this lead is insurmountable. It's not, and even though they're outnumbered nearly three-to-one today, the three Circus Bears taking the field must hold the line.

Now we face our toughest decision of the season. Whom do we start as our second runningback? We have three viable options in Steven Jackson, Brandon Jacobs, and Marshawn Lynch. Jacobs is coming off an injury, but he has carried us to this game, how could we not start him? Turns out it wasn't such a difficult decision after all.

We're so close we can taste it. Hopefully we'll know by tonight if victory tastes as good as pudding.

RB- Brandon Jacobs (DNP Steven Jackson [DNP Marshawn Lynch])
WR- Andre Johnson (DNP Ike Hilliard)
WR- Muhsin Muhammad (DNP Isaac Bruce)

Stage Two: Release the Hounds!

Defense wins championships. That's what they say, so tonight our defense is stepping up against one of the toughest offenses in the BFL with the task of holding the line.

"We cannot let Tony Romo score even half of what Peyton went out and got for us!" Ray Lewis shouted to his teammates. "If we give up even 20 points, we have failed! We're big dogs, and that man has a ball! We must take that ball away from that man, and play with it ourselves! Bring it back to him, take it away again! That's what dogs do, right?! When Romo throws it, we catch it, nobody else!"

And for good measure, Lewis added, "We must protect this house!"

D- Baltimore

No Dancing for Mennonites....

The Mennonites look to dash the dancing hopes of the PCB Horde with amazing performances from their all star players. The Mennonites have returned to the Big Sombrero where they have won before and lost before. So either way this isn't anything new. It's just another game and the Mennonites have been here before. Just remember the last time the PCB Horde was in the Big Sombrero the same Peyton Manning lost to the Mennonites and Ladainian Tomlinson remembers it well. He's playing again this year and looks to rain all over Peytons' parade.

QB: Romo

RB: Tomlinson and Peterson

WR: Fitzgerald, Smith, and Coles(DNP Crayton)

TE: Owen Daniels

PK: Brown

Defense: Philly

Release the Pigeons!

And let the dance begin!

After much pomp and circumstance, the Bakersfield Performing Circus Bears are elated to be taking to the field.

We don't want to reveal all our secrets at once, so for now let's just say this...

QB- PEYTON MANNING
RB- Dominic Rhodes (DNS Steven Jackson)
TE- Dallas Clark
K- Adam Vinatieri

That's right! We don't slow dance in Bakersfield. We do the Mash. We do The Mennonite Mash!
(Bwah-ha-ha! I kill me!)

Playoff Results: Week Two

130 Bakersfield Circus Bears Pts Peyton Manning 31 Dominic Rhodes 26 Marshawn Lynch 15 Andre Johnson 30 Marvin Harrison 3 Donald Driver 9 Dallas Clark 27 Neil Rackers 2 Ravens 17 92 Mayberry Fifes Pts Eli Manning 3 Maurice Jones-Drew 21 Michael Turner 25 Reggie Wayne 13 Hines Ward 15 Wes Welker 16 Chris Cooley 6 Mason Crosby 10 Patriots 13

56 West Virginia Woolfs Pts Kurt Warner 28 Brian Westbrook 8 Chris Johnson 8 Marques Colston 17 Anquan Boldin 5 Eddie Royal 9 Jason Witten 7 Jason Elam 7 Titans 17 108 West Coast Mennonites Pts Tony Romo 35 LaDainian Tomlinson 17 Adrian Peterson 16 Steve Smith 26 Larry Fitzgerald 8 Laveranues Coles 10 Owen Daniels 6 Kris Brown 7 Eagles 33

GAH! I'm Freaking Out!

The pressure is too great!

I just heard that Joseph Addai is inactive and Dominic Rhodes will be starting for Indianapolis. Should I start him?! Of course I should, they're playing Detroit!! But over who?!

On top of that, Frank Gore is out and DeShaun Foster will be starting! I have four viable candidates for my two runningback positions!! Oh my GOD! This has never happened in Bakersfield before!

Imagine if Brandon Jacobs weren't injured! I think my head would have exploded by now!!

Okay, okay... breathe...

Whew!

Here's the changes to my line-up:

RB- Dominic Rhodes (DNS DeShaun Foster)
RB- Marshawn Lynch (DNS Steven Jackson)

The first play I see either of my back-ups break a 60-yard TD run I will FREAK OUT!

(And I say I don't care, that it's just a fantasy game. Pfft! This is for the championship baby!)

We Don't Need No Civil War

Brother battling brother. We never want for it to happen, but sometimes-- when the stakes are high enough-- it becomes necessary for one brother to take up arms against another.

Today in Mayberry, the stakes haven't been this high in nigh on 145 years. Some in the town claim they can still remember the fighting (just what is that lady druggist prescribing?!), but we are certain the battle that takes place today will make them forget those war-torn years. Indeed no other struggle on U.S. soil will be remembered after the clock winds down on today's climactic struggle.

It is a battle of North versus South. Brother versus brother. Pudding versus pie. Clowns versus hillbillies. The very fabric of what is America is at stake on the field of battle today. And that field... is for playing football.

The Bakersfield Performing Circus Bears won't indulge themselves on the niceties of the townsfolk until after the game is decided. While it can't be proven to have had an affect on his play, two weeks ago Peyton Manning attended church with the great people of Mayberry and had his self a rather large lunch complete with a grand slice of apple pie. Some say he was a little too content when he finally set foot on the field. Others say he looked across the sideline and saw his little brother Eli and couldn't help but go easy on him.

Not this time. Not today. Not with a championship game in sight. Today it's all about the best game of football he can muster from his team. That, and of course the pudding, balloon animals, and high-flying circus acts. Just how many Circus Bears will pile out of that little car ready to strap it on and unite this country once again?

If necessary, we'll shoot the sheriff, and we'll proudly shoot the deputy, if that's what it takes to win this battle. We are outlaws in an outlaw world, fighting for justice in a land where the corrupt rule, and pudding is feared. It doesn't have to make sense to inspire!

Let's go down to the fishing hole just beyond the goal line. Let's go there repeatedly, and not leave until we've caught ourselves the big one.

QB- PEYTON MANNING
RB- Steven Jackson*
RB- Marshawn Lynch*
WR- Andre Johnson**
WR- Marvin Harrison**
WR- Donald Driver**
TE- Dallas Clark
K- Neil Rackers
D- Baltimore

I'm going to try something new with DNS this week. It should all be unnecessary, but it harkens back to something that was brought up earlier in the season about possibly submitting depth charts. What do you think?

*Should either running back not start, I would like to substitute Dominic Rhodes. Should both fail to arrive because of some shenanigans by Earnest T. Bass, Edgerrin James will join him.

**Should any of the wide receivers not play, I would like to replace them in the following order: Isaac Bruce, Muhsin Muhammad, Ike Hilliard.

BBB Return?

It's been a few years since the Mennonites have graced the Big Sombrero with their presence, however, with underachieving stars it's gonna be a hard battle with the Wolives. Matchups are going to be tough this week because the Wolves are good and not to be taken lightly. Even though the Wolves believe they are going to have a problem with Peterson, we believe we will have an equally difficult time containing Westbrook. Hopefully these Mennonites can pull it off and get back to the stadium that the Mennonites call their second home.

QB: Romo

RB: Tomlinson and Peterson

WR: SMith, Fitzgerald, and Coles(DNP Crayton)

TE: Daniels

PK: Brown

Defense: Philly

Woolfs Back in Hunt?

With a Marques Colston sighting, I may actually have a chance.... nah... who am I kidding? We all know Peterson is gonna put up like 50. Anyway, here is my best shot:

QB- Kurt Warner
RB- Brian Westbrook
RB- Chris Johnson
WR- Anquan Boldin
WR- Eddie Royal
TE- Jason Witten
PK- Jason Elam
DF- Titans

Fifes Lineup

Can the Fifes finally get over the hump? It's been a long time since we played in the BBB, and we don't have many good matchups this week.

Screw it; we're playing for pudding here!

QB --- Eli Manning
RB --- Maurice Jones-Drew
RB --- Mike Turner
WR --- Reggie Wayne
WR --- Hines Ward
WR --- Wes Welker
TE ---- Chris Cooley
K ----- Mason Crosby
D ----- New England

Woolfs Probably Should Just Concede....

... but since the Rams beat the Redskins and Cowboys this year, and the Bengals tied the Eagles, I guess anything is possible. Marques Colston gets the start Thursday Night.