Rodent War Returns

In spite of the observed tailspin the Mounties were on towards the end of the season, it is now clear that the team was just resting their startters in anticipation of the playoffs.

After dispatching with the mighty mennonites, their attention turns to their old adversary, the woodchucks of Athens.

In days past, when this proud franchise was floating in the pacific, this game marked the battle of two rodents. While Moose River has since turned in their small waterlogged rodent for a larger one with antlers, the ferocity of these two teams mascots continues.

This year the game has increased meaning, as a trip to the Bucco Bruce bowl is on the line. One team, with 2 championships, and after laying dormant for a few years has re-emerged. The other, The Mounties, who had been stopped by the Woolfs so many times the last few years, now sees a path to the championship, with only the small woodland creatures standing in their way.

That, and with Jon Kitna, they have God on their side!

The lineup:

QB- Jon Kitna
RB- Len DAle White
RB- Chester Taylor
WR- TJ Houshmanzadeh
WR- Torry Holt
WR- Calvin Johnson
TE- Jason Witten
K- Nick Folk
D- Giants

Rodent Wars!

"A great regular season has not always translated into a great post-season. And we are facing our arch-enemy in the Moose. A historic BFL rivalry, the Rodent Wars, brings a new chapter. We dealt them two losses this year, but that means nothing now. We have trained hard on our off week, and look forward to a great game tomorrow. Two more wins, and we hoist a third BBB banner in the Pantheon!" Head Coach John Elway addressed the press this week.

QB - Marc Bulger (DNS - Vince Young)
RB - Brian Westbrook, Ryan Grant (either DNS, Rudi Johnson)
WR - Randy Moss, Joey Galloway, Derick Mason
TE - Antonio Gates (DNS - Chris Cooley)
PK - Matt Stover
Def - Seahawks

It's Been 7 Years...

...since the Fifes played in a division championship game.

Locals remember that season fondly, a season --- 2 years removed from Fifes Hall Of Famer Barry Sanders' retirement --- that started with TE Dave Moore being drafted in the second round, followed by Keenan McCardell, Shaun King, the Jets defense, and Jason Hanson to round out the top 6 choices.

A mid-season trade that dealt Steve McNair for Eddie George and Brian Griese proved the spark to the Fifes' magical season, with George being named Bucco Bruce Bowl MVP. Local media referred to the phenomenon as "Fife2K".

Fast-forward 7 years later. Sanders, after smoothing over relations with Hollywood Walker, is in his third year as head coach, and has seen the franchise improve its record each year.

And now, back in the McKay Championship Game, he's bound and determined not to let arch-rival Sin City deprive him of his chance to finally experience the BBB.

"I'd be lying if I said it wasn't the only thing I think about, ever," said Sanders. "Seriously. The fact that it's the Grifters... I mean, my God, man --- Reggie White ate 67 pies! 67 PIES!!!"

When informed that Reggie White had passed away several years ago, Sanders responded, "Oh. Well, I guess now Cole Ford will have someone to watch the game with."

Nonetheless, it isn't overstating things a bit to declare this game the biggest in recent Fifes history. Doormats ever since the 2000 season, owner Walker has struggled to maintain his franchise's respectability in the league.

"I made some stupid moves over the years," admitted Walker. "Did I screw up by trading away our first round pick in '01 and then using both picks 2 and 3 to draft James Stewart? Sure. I was drunk. Coach Sanders has really helped me understand what it takes to put a winning team together, and the ingredients I need to do so --- not the least of which is a healthy fear of Coach Sanders' knowledge of explosives and electrical systems."

That said, the Fifes announced their lineup for the McKay Championship Game.

QB --- Matt Hasselbeck
RB --- Edgerrin James
RB --- Earnest Graham
WR --- Larry Fitzgerald (DNS Hines Ward)
WR --- Reggie Wayne
WR --- Wes Welker
TE --- Eric Johnson
K --- Robbie Gould
D --- Dallas

City Under Seige... Again Ten Years Later, Scars Remain MAYBERRY, NC--Advertising on small town television stations is pretty cheap because it goes largely unnoticed. Unless one person with lots of money buys all the blocks of advertising for an entire week and repeats the same message to the terrified population. "Holiday greetings, people of Mayberry," intones the voice of Grifters' owner and general manager Jake Bell at every commercial break. "We're on our way." Streets of Mayberry were choked by the massive rush of Mayberry throngs attempting to leave town before Sin City arrives. The Mayberry Creek Bridge, unable to withstand the tonnage of the exodus, collapsed, killing seven and injuring 32 with dozens more unaccounted for. "Let's look on the bright side," opined Mayor Pike. "If the bridge is out, maybe the Grifters won't be able to get here." Unfortunately, since Mayberry is not an island the Sin City bus driver needed about two minutes to chart an alternate route. "If you weren't here in '98," recalled Helen Crump, her voice barely a whisper, "you can't imagine what it was like. The Grifters, they were everywhere. Participating in our square dances, eating in our restaurants, getting their hair cut at Floy--I'm sorry, I can't go on..." "What?" asked Grifters head coach Chuck Cecil. "They're still hung up on the fact we tried to act like small town folks? Those people decapitated their kicker [Cole Ford] in the town square and no one was adversely affected in the least, but Reggie White wins one pie eating contest and you'd think we burned the town to the ground." Drew Brees Joseph Addai Willis McGahee Chad Johnson Braylon Edwards Greg Jennings Kellen Winslow Josh Brown Cardinals

The Mennonites Have Returned....

Once again the Mennonites have returned to the playoffs....The perrenial contenders are looking for another berth into the BBB but first they have to get through the mounties. Then they can look froward to finally beating the woodchucks this year! The newly dubbed "Quadruplets", Romo, T.O., Tomlinson, and Peterson, form the nucleus of this team and are looking to roll right on thru to win the second BBB Championship for the Mennonites. Then, once again, the Mennonites can lay claim to the trophy that has been in their possession for the last 5 years or so...."The championship is ours till we feel we should let it go!" That's the rallying cry of every mennonite and every mennonite fan! Here we go again.....

A Familiar Place For the Mennonites: The Playoffs!

QB: Tony Romo

RB: Tomlinson and Peterson

WR: T.O., Berrian, and Harrison(DNS Henderson)

TE: Olsen

PK: Wilkins

Defense: Pitt

Atoms Game 1 Playoff Lineup

Atoms Squeak into Playoffs, Face Grifters in First Round Matchup Springfield, (OR)--The Atoms just squeaked into the playoffs last week by beating Athens by a single point. It's been a rollercoaster year for the team that no one expected anything from. Injuries, and draft pick busts have been balanced by waiver wire acquisitions like Justin Fargas to keep the team afloat. Many thought the season would be over from the start, when Springfield chose to retain just one player, Steven Jackson, who was injured in Week 3, but has come back with a vengence late in the season. The Atoms will face the Sin City Grifters, a team who easily dispatched them a couple weeks a ago, and has been on a hot streak heading into the playoffs. "They're a good team even if their owner did become a voluntarily homeless, dumpster diving reckloose for awhile there," said Springfield GM Rob Hart. The team will need an excellent performance from Brett Favre, who according to Team Phyisician, Cletus the Slack-jawed yokul, left last week's game with an injury to the "elby bone." The Springfield hopeful will be sure to make the game tough for the visiting Grifters, though it's clear that many of them feel fortunate just to have made the playoffs again. Today is free pretzel day at Douglas Adams Field, so bad calls by officials and touchdowns by Sin City will be answered by a barrage of pretzels from the stands. Starting Lineup this week: QB: Brett Favre RB: Steven Jackson RB: Justin Fargas WR: Vincent Jackson WR: Shaun McDonald WR: Dennis Northcutt TE: Tony Gonzalez K: Mason Crosby D: Tampa Bay