The Year of Marty Leads to the Playoffs

As expected the Neanderthal, under Coach Marty, improved in the regular season and earned a spot in the playoffs.

"We knew that, based on his history, we had a great chance to make the post season. Now we will have to wait and see about this week." was the assessment of General Manager, Tonda. "Actually, we don't expect a lot more this week.

Given the history of this rivalry, like, when was the last time Toledo beat this franchise, during the ShortBus days? And last week's rout in this home and home series. And Marty's previous playoff success. How do we even stand a chance.

That is why we are making some moves that could turn the tide in our favor. Following the Plaxico incident it should be noted that we released him and signed Dominek Hixon who will get the start. Joining him in the starting lineup will be rookie Pierre Thomas.

The lineup looks like this:

QB Rivers
RB Gore and Pierre Thomas
REC Jennings, Hixon and DeSean Jackson
TE Kevin "The Big" Boss Man
K Feely
DEF Steelers

Pudding Crisis & Fargas Starting Early

Springfield Mob Intercepts Pudding Shipments to Bakersfield, All Pudding Now Firmly in Mob Control Bakersfield, VT--The Springfield mob, under the direction of mob ringleader Fat Tony, has intercepted all pudding shipments into Bakersfield, effectively cornering the pudding market at a time when the Bakersfield Circus Bears need the comforting, sugary treat the most. Since the mob takeover of the pudding industry, most consumers in the greater Bakersfield area have been unable to find pudding on store shelves, and when it's in stock, it is cost prohibitive to the buyer, with prices reaching as high as $1,000 per snack pak. Pudding aficionados have been forced to turn to the black market, which is offering pudding at cheaper prices, but far lower quality. Rumors abound that black market pudding is being cut with Chinese baby formula, thereby reducing its potency and stretching the pure pudding product a little bit farther for the seller, and potentially leading to violent illness. At least seven patients have been admitted to Bakersfield area hospitals after consuming the tainted black market pudding. This pudding crisis is just the beginning of what appears to be a "do-anything to win" attitude coming from the city of Springfield as their hometown Atoms enter the BFL playoffs to square off against the Bakersfield Circus Bears. The Atoms have lost to the Circus Bears in both of their previous meetings this season, but that fact doesn't seem to be affecting the Springfield fans as the entire town has been covered in purple and yellow Atoms regalia. Atoms players are even caught up in the excitement of getting to face the Circus Bears again. "I'm so stoked about this opportunity, I'm gonna take the field tonight--I don't even care if no one else is out there with me!" exclaimed an animated Justin Fargas. The outcome of the game and the pudding predicament won't be known until next week, but what is known is that Springfield has come to play, and they won't be making it easy on the Circus Bears in the first round. Starting Tonight: RB: Justin Fargas

Rivers Starts

As the team deals with the first ever incident of a Neanderthal player shooting himself rather than making the trip to West Virginia, we will be starting Rivers at QB.

Week 13 Results

55 Bakersfield Circus Bears Pts Peyton Manning 9 Brandon Jacobs 13 Marshawn Lynch 11 Andre Johnson 19 Marvin Harrison 4 Donald Driver 16 Dallas Clark 3 Adam Vinatieri 4 Ravens 34

55 Mayberry Fifes Pts Eli Manning 27 Michael Turner 9 Maurice Jones-Drew 5 Reggie Wayne 7 Hines Ward 13 Wes Welker 6 Chris Cooley 10 Mason Crosby 12 Bills 24

75 Sin City Grifters Pts Drew Brees 20 DeAngelo Williams 34 Larry Johnson 15 Donnie Avery 0 Lance Moore 9 Matt Jones 14 Kellen Winslow 4 Robbie Gould 2 Panthers 10 114 Springfield Atoms Pts Aaron Rodgers 41 Marion Barber 10 Justin Fargas 12 Lee Evans 12 Antonio Bryant 14 Calvin Johnson 9 Tony Gonzalez 15 John Carney 11 Browns 23	88 Seaside Squid Pts Jay Cutler 39 Reggie Bush 7 Clinton Portis 4 Brandon Marshall 8 Terrell Owens 17 Steve Breaston 15 Todd Heap 12 Steve Gostkowski 4 Jaguars 3 85 Moose River Mounties Pts Sage Rosenfels 22 Steve Slaton 31 Thomas Jones 3 Roddy White 13 Chris Chambers 1 Torry Holt 5 Jerramy Stevens 3 Matt Stover 10 Falcons 18
123 West Virginia Woolfs Pts Kurt Warner 23 Brian Westbrook 39 Chris Johnson 28 Anquan Boldin 6 Braylon Edwards 4 Marques Colston 13 Jason Witten 22 Jason Elam 9 Titans 38 18 Toledo Neanderthal Pts Phillip Rivers 12 Frank Gore 7 Joseph Addai 3 Greg Jennings 20 Santana Moss 4 Kevin Walter 4 Bo Scaife 1 Jay Feely 5 Giants 21	122 West Coast Mennonites Pts Tony Romo 42 LaDainian Tomlinson 15 Adrian Peterson 21 Steve Smith 11 Larry Fitzgerald 21 Laveranues Coles 2 Owen Daniels 3 Kris Brown 14 Cowboys 25 37 Athenian Woodchucks Pts Tyler Thigpen 17 Ryan Grant 3 Ronnie Brown 10 Randy Moss 7 T.J. Houshmandzadeh 8 Dwayne Bowe 3 Antonio Gates 4 Ryan Longwell 10 Bears 7

Just for Kicks

The Woolfs are swapping in recently acquired kicker Jason Elam for Matt Prater. The team is hoping not to give away any kicking secrets, in case they have to play Toledo again next week.

For All the Marbles

Here it is, the final week of the 2008 season.

The Bakersfield Performing Circus Bears already know they're invited to the big dance, but today's game against Mayberry will decide if they get to be fashionably late or forced to take the first dance with the ugly girl.

"I don't care how ugly she is, I like to dance and will dance with any opportunity I get." Marshawn Lynch proclaimed with a little too much enthusiasm. "If I'm told I don't have to dance next week, believe it, I'll still be dancing. I'll dance with a dead girl if that's what it takes."

Confused and frightened, reporters nervously avoided Lynch for the rest of the day.

"Awh, don't worry about Marshawn. He's just excited to be contributing to a team that is going to get a sot at the trophy." Peyton Manning chided. "We'll make sure he eats his pudding before the game and that'll focus him."

Before the game, the townsfolk in Mayberry had invited the players to attend Sunday worship with them, and to sit a spell on the front porch of the sheriff's house. Mighty hospitable of them. (We just hope the sheriff is aware of this invitation.)

Fifes, here's hoping for a great game today, and that we'll be seeing each other again in two weeks. Hopefully it'll be in Bakersfield, and we can return the hospitality to you and yours.

QB- Peyton Manning
RB- Brandon Jacobs (DNP Steven Jackson [DNP Dominic Rhodes])
RB- Marshawn Lynch
WR- Andre Johnson
WR- Marvin Harrison
WR- Donald Driver
TE- Dallas Clark
K- Adam Vinatieri
D- Baltimore

Its like having to win twice

The Squid not only face having to beat the Mounties this week, but also hope that the Atoms Lose which is like having to win two games just to make it into the playoffs. Though the Squid Franchise has made it to the playoffs before, they have never made it past the first round. Lets try to get a "double" win this week with the following line up:

QB- Cutler (Fingers crossed it isn't like last week)

RB- Reggie Bush and Clinton Portis (I hope they both have a good week back since I'm not starting Matt Forte)

WR- Brandon Marhshall (TO and Breaston Already played)

TE- Heap (He's a heap alright....)

PK- Gostkowski

DEF- JAX

First to Worst March Continues in Canada

As the Mounties dismal season comes to a close, speculation turns to next year and potential changes within the organization. Khan turned 88 this week, and while he is the superior intellect, he is looking mighty old, and hasn't seemed to be superior to the onset of Alzhemiers.

In any case, we send out them team to play this week.

QB- Rosenfels
RB- Slaton
RB- T Jones
WR- Roddy White
WR- Chambers
WR- Holt
TE- Stevens
K- Stover
D- Falcons